that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
