We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
