She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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