i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
