a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
