i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
