There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
