ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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