I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who died my cat blue again?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
