i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
