What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
