A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
