Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
