i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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