so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
