I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
BRING THE BAGELS
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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