I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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