Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
