just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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