Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
