May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
