You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
