Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
