After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
