No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
