drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
