just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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