pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
