She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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