How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
ttyl tear gas
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
