He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if only i could text you this smell
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
