i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
