Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
