Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
