Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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