i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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