I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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