Please, let me fuck your mom
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
