i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
