it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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