He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
