I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
