if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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