I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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