I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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