There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
