Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
