so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
