as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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