did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
